


i told sunset about you

by juanpercen



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: Coming of Age, Friends to Enemies to Friends to Lovers, M/M, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, village setting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-23 13:34:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 12,994
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30056253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/juanpercen/pseuds/juanpercen
Summary: When Yeonjun was forced to go back to the boring village he grew up in before settling in the city, he got his chance to rekindle his friendship with his childhood bestfriend, Soobin.The story of two boys who are relearning their deep relationship through complicated and unstable feelings.
Relationships: Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	i told sunset about you

**Author's Note:**

> first of all, i shouldn't be allowed to start another fic when i still had tons of on goings. but this has been in my drafts for months and i can't wait for much longer to share this with yall. i will update regularly, sorry for the long chapters, but i intended it to be that way so.
> 
> Disclaimer: This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, places, events, locales and incidents are used in a fictitious manner.
> 
> Unbeta-ed. Forgive typographical and grammatical errors. Please bear with me, I'll get back to this and proofread it once I finish it.
> 
> Enjoy reading :)

_from everything to nothing at all_  
_from every day to never at all // astrid's it's ok if you forget me_

-

It seems fitting, how grim everything was the day he received the news of his grandfather's passing.

Looking back, Yeonjun realizes that it wasn't much different from all the other days in his everyday hustle and bustle as a struggling college student. That day, in particular, he was in low spirits. The air was stifling and Spring is not being delightful, or at least that was what Yeonjun felt - making everyone suffer through it.

He just finished a 4 hour rehearsal with Hoseok and Jimin, his seniors in Dance Deptartment and who he has been working with for a showcase for weeks now. Although it wasn't all that harsh and if it was another day and Yeonjun was actually in the right headspace, he would've taken the constructive criticism - or more like feedback from them lightly and not take it to heart.

But Yeonjun was exhausted, he was running low on energy. He was feeling like shit after Sara, their coach in his elective, Ballroom Dance class, just gave him the talk and probably the most excruciating 20 minutes long of her chastising him, like she hasn't repeated enough that she was disappointed that Yeonjun was doing such a poor job in meeting the tempo and having his heart in the right place while dancing technical. It was especially infuriating because Yeonjun didn't - doesn't slack off when it comes to dancing. It's frustrating when other people can't seem to see the passion he pours when he dances.

That day, after the physical exhaustion and even more mentally draining events, he passed out on his bed, not even bothering to pretend he was doing okay for the sake of his roommate-bestfriend's, Taehyun, mental state, who gave him such a concerned and withering look from across the room. Taehyun has been bugging him for months now, to drop at least one subject since the semester started.

Yeonjun is double majoring, like the pretentious bastard he is, who thought he can handle it. Performing Arts and Business (he took business just to placate his overly worried mother who thinks that dancing wouldn't give him a bright future, clearly, his mother doesn't know how it all works out and she has always cared more about money). He's balancing two demanding majors and is running in on a barely 3 hour sleep, trying to fit classes and barely keeping up with all of them.

His college life is not going as well as he likes to pretend it is.

( "Yeonjun hyung, take a break." Taehyun says offhandedly, or at least that's how he tries it to sound like.

He feels slightly satisfied when Yeonjun acknowledges him with a curt nod. Feigning nonchalance has always been Taehyun's mastery.

"I'm fine."

"You're taking almost fifty hours of classes, hyung." He points out. "That's not a normal schedule at all."

"Taehyun."

There's an edge in his voice that serves as a warning for Taehyun to stop, a red light and he dejectedly sighs as he listens to his best friend utter the same two words he's been trying to convince Taehyun. Or himself.

"I'm fine." )

It was like a brewing storm, actually. One that he didn't notice until the clouds got too dark and the air became too cold.

One minute he was catching up on his general studies as well as lyrical and hiphop workshops and the final rehearsal for the Jazz showcase was concluded. Then the next minute, he was gripping his phone like a lifeline when his mother called him on his way to his dorm to deliver the news and the forbidding grief along.

_"Yeonjun." She sniffles._

_The said man stood in the middle of Seoul's bustling street, phone pressed on his ear, his hand in a fist and somewhere, he could faintly hear the way the breeze tickles the crops and the image of his grandparents back in the village he grew up in until middle school was vivid._

_"He had a heart attack last night. No one expected it, Yeonjun." She continues sobbing until it's just a distant shrill at the back of Yeonjun's mind. "He's dead. He's gone."_

It was so easy for heartbreak to mess up the little control he has over his life.

Over the course of two weeks after receiving the heart-rending news, a lot has happened that Yeonjun got a whiplash. He was not even able to grieve properly and that too - the guilt and the misery hang ominously almost too hard at the back of his mind but he kept those feelings buried. Least, until he finished his evaluation in the showcase - which by the way, turned out okay. Not really the best Yeonjun was initially hoping and working hard for but given the circumstances, it was understandable.

It wasn't the perfect way to wrap up the semester and Yeonjun wasn't really too ecstatic for the five week long summer vacation. He'll certainly miss being busy - okay, maybe not so much. But the adrenaline and the way it distracted him from his baleful thoughts and the misery that is his life enough for him to miss the almost fifty-hour classes.

"Go, spend summer with your grandmother," His father has firmly told him during one of their slow family dinner without so much of a word from his son.

Yeonjun grits his teeth because as much as he despises that village, he would love to see his grandmother, especially now with his grandfather gone. He misses her and he's worried about her - enough to swallow the bile rising in his throat and agree.

"Yeah, okay." He tries to sound enthusiastic but the way his mother looked at him made him wince at the miserable attempt.

"I'm going to Gangwon for summer." He tells Taehyun through a phone call.

His best friend gives a noncommittal hum. "What's the hold up, huh?"

"I don't want to go back there." He sighs.

"Then don't."

"They'll force me to go," Yeonjun pinches the bridge of his nose and closes his eyes. He doesn't really want to think about it anymore. "And I really want to see my grandmother."

"Then suck it up."

Yeonjun snorts at the simple way Taehyun put it. Like it solves Yeonjun's problem just like that, all too easy.

"Yeah." He opens his eyes and stares at his ceiling in muted agony.

Fuck.

On the day he passed all his final requirements and he's free for the rest of the summer break, was also the day his parents sent him away to a village in the middle of literally nowhere.

Okay, that's kind of farfetched but it has always felt like that. When you're in Gangwon, you'll feel so detached from the rest of the world.

He didn't even get to say goodbye to his sleeping roommate properly before his father fetched him during the wee hours of the morning, himself, as if to make sure Yeonjun actually goes through their plan and offers him no escape options. Not like, Yeonjun would try to. He tries not to roll his eyes as he puts his luggage in the trunk before flopping himself on the passenger seat.

"You should've dyed your hair black," says Yeonjun's father.

He only clenches his jaw and doesn't respond as he pushes his blue hair back - looking at the window pointedly and wondering when's the next time he'll see these buildings again. He realizes he's not exactly excited to be back in this concrete jungle of Seoul anyway.

Maybe, he needs this time away from everything here too. Maybe.

He's still a little bit sleepy when his father dropped him to a bus station. They hang around awkwardly when Yeonjun got off the car, not really sure how to bid farewell to his father without being disrespectful. Truthfully, Yeonjun could've just turned around without a word and disappear but the look on his father's face made him hesitant.

That's when he realizes that his father must've still grieving. Even feeling more miserable than Yeonjun could ever feel over the passing of his grandfather. So, in the end, he pulled his father in a loose hug, before separating from him with a sigh and a small smile pulled on the corners of his lips.

"Bye, dad."

He hopped on the bus after giving the conductor his ticket, settling on the seat at the very back. The bus is rusty - and dusty. There's barely five people in here, a lady and her son, two old women in their 50s probably (who reminded him of his grandmother) and him. It's understandable. Gangwon is not really big enough for a lot of people to know that place.

Yeonjun gives himself a few minutes of eyeshut as the bus starts to move.

He doesn't really notice when he fell asleep but after bumping his head to the window for the nth time, he finally opened his eyes again to see that the bus took a temporary stop to a small cluster of what you could barely call a market.

Yeonjun looks around and sees that it was just him and the lady left inside the bus, who gave him a friendly smile.

"We're nearing Gangwon and the _ajusshi_ decided to take a temporary stop here." She says as she looks at him warmly, like how every mother does to their children. It's a bit odd though, because Yeonjun is not her child, Yeonjun is just a stranger. But then, he remembers that this woman has a son and she's probably just being friendly after seeing him just waking up from a considerably deep slumber. "You should buy yourself warmer clothes."

Yeonjun looks down to what he's wearing - a loose, crinkled white shirt and shorts. "It's summer anyway. I don't think I'd need any."

"Oh, you never know. The weather in Gangwon varies every single day. It tends to get too hot in summer but also very rainy. It's very unusual. It's just an advice." She says with a smile.

Yeonjun gives her back a small grin, mumbling a _thank you_ as he passes her by to get off the bus to follow her advice.

The market is really too small to be considered market actually but there's still a huddle of small shops and stalls. He sees the sign _Gucheongja_ at the side where a road takes a turn to god knows where.

Now, that rings a bell. He remembers Gucheongja in his memories sometime when he was a child. He remembers accompanying his grandfather here to shop since this is the closest market to Gangwon.

Yeonjun looks around to find a shop that sells clothes until he spots one in the corner.

There isn't much options to pick from considering that the shop turned out to be selling only a handful of hoodies - just the typical, plain white and black. So he simply grabbed the latter one and went to the cashier where a thin, lanky man in his age was manning and chewing a gum so loudly, it was annoying.

Yeonjun bites the inside of his cheek to not snap at him to stop. Instead, he gets his wallet from the inside of his shorts pocket and hands him a 50 dollar bill.

"Man, fuck off."

Yeonjun frowns when the man snapped at him after glaring at his outstretched hand. "What?"

"It's just 9 dollars, no need to parade your money around," he grumbles and begrudgingly accepts the bill as he puts the hoodie in a thin plastic.

Yeonjun gapes at him - blinking fast. Just when the cashier is giving him his change and thrusting the plastic to him rudely, he tries to come up with words to apologize and explain that he's not trying to be an arrogant city boy who parades their money around. But in the end, he just shuts his mouth and accepts it before dashing out of the shop. He already came across as a jerk anyway, he won't be able to change that dude's mind even if he explain himself.

With an exasperated breath, he goes inside the bus again and flops himself back on his seat. He checks the time and sees that it's nearing 12 noon but the sun isn't that out and bout yet so maybe, the lady was right.

The weather here is confusing. He finds that out the more they trudge on the mountainous road to the village. He can't go back to sleeping because the bus keeps rattling every time the bus takes a turn. He doesn't have to look outside to know that the road was full of rocks and splintered cement. Somewhere at the front, he could barely hear the old driver grumbling something about the president not taking care of the roads in this area and about voting the right man in the next election.

The road was steep and dangerous so he appreciates that the driver is being careful.

Yeonjun mutely groans again when they hit a pothole and he bangs his head on the window. He winces - looking up on the sky void of clouds, the sun seemed to be on the other side of the globe with how unusually dull everything is - not dark per se, just not as bright as you'd expect during summer. But he guesses he shouldn't really be surprised since Gangwon is a fairly elevated village and it's colder in areas like those.

He gnaws on his lower lip as he lets himself sink into the thoughtless memories flooding back so suddenly in his mind.

Yeonjun almost feels like he's the gullible ten years old child again.

Back when there was nothing more exciting than spending his summer at the place they're driving towards now.

But it's different now, isn't it? His parents are back at home because of their work and someone will not be there to greet him like he did last time.

There's a heavy weight lodging on his shoulders, making itself known. He yanks himself away from the window as he pushes the urge to cry away.

He realizes that he hasn't really cried since he received the news.

It's easy to pretend and hide from the reality when he's in the city, miles away from the presence of his grandparents. It's hard to miss them that way, because in his mind, they're still somewhere. They're just somewhere even though he's in Seoul and barely hanging. After being told of what happened to his grandfather, it's easy to delude himself that it wasn't real and he's still somewhere. He's far away from Yeonjun but he's somewhere, with his grandmother still. So, he doesn't really miss him yet - or grief doesn't hit him on the face hard enough yet for him to accept the reality.

And this. Him going back to the village where there'd be only one person to welcome him - instead of two - he realizes that reality is starting to catch up on him and he doesn't want to cry yet.

Not here. Not now. Not ever.

The weather gets better and once they've driven through the fog, clear sunset-sky greets them. It's starting to warm up and the thick trees that they pass by seem to be clearing out already as the sun finally reaches them, making sweat run down his temple.

He's simultaneously feeling cold and warming up.

The fields they're passing by seem endless, mostly just huge spaces of nothing but grass with the occasional cluster of sparse trees and bushes, followed by yellow cornfields, or a sea of rainbow colors where flowers are blooming on the untouched lands.

It's beautiful.

He's also starting to see some villagers, watching their bus pass by before going on their day. They're wearing typical straw hats to shield their heads from the scorching heat of the sun as they stand in between rows of fields. Beyond that, there's only wide acres of land and he can spot a few abandoned railway where wild flowers grew and Yeonjun almost smiled at the magnificent view.

Maybe, it's because he's been away for too long but this all seemed so unfamiliar to him - like he's seeing all this for the first time all over again. Yeonjun lets his eyes wander through the rusted train tracks amidst flowers and growing vegetable fields and the high transformation towers and seemingly endlessly long power lines stretching across the sky among all the nature.

It's not long before his squinted eyes finally spot the crooked and skewed wooden sign.

Welcome to Gangwon.

Huh. He's back. He's officially back.

It was an amusing sight, of cows hanging out at the tiny bus stop where a sad looking red bench is situated. The driver honks to make the cows leave the middle of the road, cursing under his breath when the herd takes their sweet time making way. 

Yeonjun laughs under his breath.

The bus stops and he gets off with a spring on his steps. The sights that they passed by making him feel a little lighter and less tense.

Yeonjun hangs around on the bench awkwardly for a few minutes more, alone after all the passengers has gotten on their own merry way already. He watches a sheep on the side munch on the grass and it looks back at him, almost as if he's judging him but Yeonjun's sure he's just being ridiculous.

He's trying to get his mind around the fact that he's finally back in the village he used to loathe a lot. It's been 7 years and as he looks around, he realizes that there's not much differences that those 7 years brought here.

The houses are still small and look like they desperately need some work done on them unlike the ones in the city where apartment complex are cramped, but they're all very colorful and have wide distances between them. There's not much to see in this remote village. It's completely empty; in fact, it's so small and insignificant that it doesn't even have a Wikipedia page, let alone a location on any map. It's like the village doesn't exist at all, totally overlooked and sadly forgotten in the woods and fields, and how it's tucked away between the mountains.

When his stomach growls, he realizes he's very hungry and he doesn't have much time to waste for an existential crisis in a lame bus stop. So, as to follow the wise Kang Taehyun's advice, he sucked it up and got up to walk the distance left to his grandparents' house.

It's not very hard to spot, considering that it's one of the biggest house in this small village. It's a simple two-story house painted white with a rusted, crooked metal gate. He silently opened it and tip-toed his way inside the house, where he could smell a delicious japchae is being cooked. He stopped for a while on the door, looking a little too long on his grandparents' wide garden - no actually, it's like a field. If he can remember correctly, he thinks his grandmother also has a greenhouse garden where she grows her unending supply of vegetables and fruits.

And then there's the two trees he remembers from his childhood where a hammock hangs. He remembers the reason why it was there - remembers how excited he was and who he hanged it up with.

Yeonjun swallows the lump in his throat before finally knocking on the open door softly as to not startle his grandmother, who he can see was cooking in the kitchen. While she can't hear him yet, Yeonjun used the time to look around the house.

It was still the same. The walls are painted white, the furnitures are wooden, fragile-looking, worn but they fit the house, makes it less modern and more like home. There are hanged framed pictures in every corners, four of them are Yeonjun's picture when he was 4 years old, 8 years old and the two was when he was 15 years old - the last time he stayed here, really. The floor is wooden too and the curtains and the pillow dresses on the couch were designed with flowers. There are also actual, tangible ones on the table in the living room.

When Siyoung, his grandmother finally looks at him, he registers the tears welling in her eyes before she pulled him in a tight hug. Yeonjun hides the choked sob that he lets out as he buries his face on his grandmother's hug and takes in the smell of home. He hugs her tight because his granddad couldn't offer him another one anymore.

"Yeonjun," Siyoung calls affectionately. "I've missed you so much, son."

"Me too."

He means it with his very whole heart.

They finally pulled apart and Yeonjun scanned her face for any implications that she's having a hard time but she only beams at him welcomingly, the tears in her eyes didn't even fall and Yeonjun smiles at the strong woman in front of him who can brave every storm independently.

"I bet you're hungry." She pulls him to the dining room where several dishes were spread and Yeonjun nearly salivates at the smell. "I cooked all your favorite foods."

Yeonjun grins at her before enthusiastically wolfing down the foods prepared for him. Siyoung laughs at him and tells him to slow down but he only grins.

Their lunch finishes just like that, with his grandmother firing nonstop questions to him about his studies, how are his parents, if he's still dancing ( _"It's impossible for me to stop dancing, grandma." He whines. "That's my whole life." Siyoung gently smiles at him as she taps his bulging cheek. "I know, honey. I can see that."_ ) and the silent question Yeonjun asked her after his hunger has been satiated.

"Grandma, how have you been? How are you holding up?"

His grandmother responds with a graceful smile. "I'm doing fine, Yeonjun. Your grandfather did not exactly leave me alone. Look at you, you're here now."

"I know." He looks down and wets his lips before looking up at her again. "Don't you miss him?"

_Because I do. Now, I do._

"I hold him in my heart, sweetheart."

Yeonjun looks at her and sees the peace in her eyes. Maybe, he doesn't really have anything to worry for.

Even when he was still a child, the love he could see in his grandparents' eyes was immeasurable, runs much deeper than his young mind could ever understand. And even now that he's already 22 years old, he still couldn't even though he desperately wishes he could.

He thinks that one day, he'd like to hold the love they have.

In return, he asks her how she's been doing, what are her hobbies and what's the flower she's growing in her garden. Siyoung smiles when she answers and Yeonjun thinks, if there's something he'd have his own happiness traded for, it'd be for his grandmother.

"You were only fifteen when you last set foot here. I think, you should take time to look around and see the changes, Yeonjun-ah."

Yeonjun wants to say that he's quite sure that there's not much changes or that even if there are, he's not that interested. But he bites his tongue and nods to her grandmother before taking his iPhone and pods from his bag.

The afternoon is on its peak, the sun shining gold above his head. It was warm outside but the abundant presence of the trees makes the air better.

Yeonjun takes slow steps as he closes the metal gate behind him, the dead leaves on the pavement crunching under his weight. He puts the buds in his ears as he scrolls down on his Spotify playlist to pick a song. In the end, he clicked shuffle.

It has Yeonjun feeling nostalgic. The melody ringing in his ears drowning other sounds beside it that even the bleating of the sheep on the side of the road was unheard. He takes the time to feel the nature around him. It's hard to experience something so raw and fresh like this in the city. It's always loud, even when he wears headphones - always so bright and the air's stifling like it's constantly trying to suffocate him.

It's so far from the cool breeze that brushes his arms in the middle of radiant summer here. The sky is still void of clouds, maybe, the reason why everything seems extra bright today. When he looks up, there are flocks of birds flying over his head and it makes him want to fly - makes him want to defy gravity and soar.

He walks down the road and the distance between his grandparent's house and the next one was quite far that made him realize once more that he came from the more wealthy part of the village. His grandparents own almost half the land in Gangwon - also the biggest house, even the ground he's standing on right now is his grandparents'. His late grandfather used to be the mayor, before he retired four years ago. 

He observed the next house and stopped in front of it for a full hot minute. It was familiar to him as he used to know it by heart, staying there for the most days of his childhood. He remembers waking up early in the morning and immediately going out of their house after washing up to meet his friends and play hide and seek - maybe not that, he thinks they played a lot of outdoor games. Spending all his waking hours under the blazing sun and ceaselessly doing physical activities until his shirt is soaked and he stinks because of sweat but even that didn't bother him, even when his grandma would scold him for playing too much.

He laughed a lot as a youth here, he realizes. He laughed a lot and spent such full and glorious day busy being such a child.

Yeonjun stares hard at the house and lists down the differences he could spot from what this house used to look like in his haze memory. Like, the white gate that's now repainted to pastel yellow, the porch now sans of two swings, the window on the attic broken and covered and how it used to make a surge of unadulterated happiness bloom in his chest with just the sight of it, now gone. There's one stark difference that made him freeze as he rakes his eyes on the whole house - the image of a brunette boy with innocent grins and crinkled shirts flashing inside his mind.

Yeonjun shakes the image out of his head as he hunches his shoulders and turns away.

He continues on his way and even walks past Canola field. Thankfully, the village seems empty enough during this hour so he was able to avoid having to introduce himself with every elderly people he bumps onto.

At one point, he reaches his elementary school. It's still just as he remembers. It wasn't really all that big to be called a school, it was just a one story building with one classroom inside. But this is where he learned to read and write, this is where he first learned to dance, this is where he first dreamed. Its gate was rusted and left opened. There's also a playground near it that's eerily quiet. It looks like it's been unused for quite a few years, abandoned by most of the villagers.

He remembers his grandma telling him that pretty much after he went to the city to continue High School, other kids in the village has walked out of this hamlet. Leaving the elders behind. There aren't much children here anymore. So, places like this are as good as abandoned.

It was interesting though, when he spotted two figures sitting on the stairs in the entryway of the classroom, their builds telling him enough that they're both males. He stops just a few paces away from them when they looked at him.

Yeonjun subtly arches a brow when they shoot him sharp daggers, scanning him from head to toes. Looks like they did not like what they saw because they're giving him unwelcoming glares.

Yeonjun remembers the cashier back in Gucheongja. He gave Yeonjun the same distasteful look. He knows what they think of him - a stuck-up, arrogant city boy flaunting his money and his iPhone, thinking that he's above them just because he's from the city. He understands that much.

It makes him groan internally though. Even if he's disinterested in making friends here while he stays, it sucks to know that the people his age here hates his guts. Usually he gets that kind of reaction _after_ he opened his mouth but this time, he didn't even get that far.

Yeonjun decides that it's enough adventure for today and deems that he's been gone long enough for his grandmother to think that he actually looked around the village.

He takes the long route back to his house, kicking pebbles as he trudges on his way home.

When Yeonjun reaches their gate, he gives the rusty old ford truck parked in front of it a questioning glance before sauntering inside, plugging the pods out of his ears as he makes his way inside the house.

He hears them before he realizes that his grandma is talking to someone in the living room. The voice is velvety and soft, despite the evident depth it carries while his grandma laughs to what that person said.

Thinking that it's just another friend of Siyoung, Yeonjun tiptoes his way around to the stairs, hoping to make his successful escape to his room when his grandma spots him and addresses him with a raised eyebrow.

"What are you doing, young man?"

Yeonjun rubs his nape and faces her with a sheepish look. "Sorry. I - I was just.."

Siyoung waves him off before pointing at the person she's talking to. "By the way, your friend is here. Do you remember him? You used to be very close and I called him today thinking you'll be happy to see a familiar face again..."

Siyoung's voice faded and Yeonjun wasn't able to pay attention to the rest of her words when that person turned around and looked at him, wearing a blank expression on his face as he meets Yeonjun's eyes.

Yeonjun felt himself take a stuttered breath as he takes in the face of the man in front of him.

His hair is tangled messily that makes him look unkempt but boyish, wearing a black t-shirt under the open polo with sleeves folded up to his elbows, straw hat in his hands that were clasped behind his back. He is standing straight - borderline tense as he looks back at Yeonjun. His expression is guarded and eyes hard that Yeonjun almost doubts if it's the same person he thinks he is.

"It's been quite a while since you boys last saw each other," Siyoung looks between the two of them.

Yeonjun forces himself out of his shocked stupor when his grandma gives him a quizzical look. He takes a deep breath as he brushes his sweaty palm on his shorts.

"It's nice to see you again, Soobin."

Ah, is it too formal?

Before Yeonjun could start overthinking and replay the words inside his head repeatedly until shame kick him hard on the guts - the said man gives him a somewhat forced smile (Yeonjun almost thinks he's wincing) as he responds with a clipped voice.

"Welcome back, Yeonjun hyung."

Yeonjun has envisioned how his reunion with his childhood best friend would be like lots of times, none of it is like this.

There's a tense pause between them after he said that - Yeonjun squirming as he thinks hard for a response that wouldn't give away just how nervous he is. Thankfully, his grandma saves him from his inner turmoil. If she noticed the awkward air between them, she did not say anything.

"Soobin? Can you deliver these bags of tomatoes to the Huenings?"

Yeonjun turns away just when Soobin answers a curt yes. He was about to dash to his room and quietly freak out, preferably without his grandma's knowledge when she addresses him again with a firm voice.

"Would you mind if Yeonjun tags along? He doesn't have anything to do and he can help you carry those heavy bags."

There's something in Siyoung's voice that tells Yeonjun she knows he did not really look around the village. He avoids making eye contact with her guiltily.

And wait - did he hear that right?

He flinches and looks back at Soobin, wide-eyed, and he sees him schooling his face into a nonchalant expression as he shrugs. "Sure."

Does Yeonjun has a say about this?

Yeonjun gulps, a pout growing on his face as he looks at Siyoung this time, his grandma just brushes him away and gently pushes the both of them out of the door.

"Yeonjun, be back before Dinner, will you?"

Before he could open his mouth to answer, the gate was already slammed shut on his face.

Well. Life's really funny sometimes. Just a while ago, he got his shit together, calmly threading on thin ice as to not run onto people he might still recognize. Now, he - well, he's definitely not ecstatic.

"Are you just gonna stand there?"

Yeonjun flinches again, turning around to look at Soobin who's already settled inside the truck, one hand on the steering wheel while the other's rested on the window. He's got an eyebrow arched to his direction, head tilted and lips pursed into thin line.

Yeonjun blinks.

When Soobin clears his throat again, he scrambles to get in. He hopes Soobin would account the warm weather for the flush on his cheeks.

As Soobin pulls and drives away from their house, he keeps silent as he firmly sets his eyes on the window.

Yeonjun pulls his legs up on the seat, but the more minutes they stay silent, the harder it is for Yeonjun not to talk. He doesn't like silence. Plus, the sight outside is nothing he hasn't saw yet, they're just massive spaces of land, rows of fields and vegetation that covers almost half the land in Gangwon. He wants to stray his eyes away. He doesn't want to look at it but at the man driving beside him instead.

As subtle as he can, he slightly turns his face to the front so he can side-eye Soobin. Frankly, Yeonjun wants to look at him and see all the changes that happened after all the years they hadn't see each other. He wants to look at him. God, he's suddenly flooded with the urge to turn and set his eyes on Soobin and look at him.

Yeonjun wants to see him.

"What's with the hair?"

Yeonjun flinches uncharacteristically again when Soobin spoke, hand quickly shooting up to push his hair back. He got it dyed blue just last week but the black roots are already starting to appear, it's fading too and anytime soon, it'll turn to a shade of green. He notes to himself that he should go to Gucheongja sometime next week to buy a black hair dye.

Yeonjun doesn't know what exactly to respond so he just shrugs. He blames his hyper imaginative mind when he sees Soobin's fingers on the steering wheel twitch.

Silence ensues between them again - well, it's silent except from the rattle and purr of Soobin's dying truck. This thing is very old, Yeonjun thinks it's only right to call it ancient. It's rusted on the outside, its stereo is broken - the old type by the way, like those that needed cassette tape, it also makes loud noises with every move like its engine is near to combusting but Soobin looks at ease while driving so he shrugs it off. The glass windows are broken so the breeze freely reigns inside and hits them on the face. But it's comfortable, Yeonjun is comfortable in here - if he'll ignore the awkward atmosphere between him and Soobin, he won't actually mind going to road trips with this old thing for hours.

Yeonjun takes a deep breath when they passed by the school, spotting the same guys from earlier. They didn't spare him a glance though as Soobin drove past them. He remembers the ugly feeling that brewed in his chest when they made it obvious how unwelcome Yeonjun is. He grew up here but he's not one of them anymore. He doesn't belong here anymore, this is very clear to him.

Yeonjun wonders if Soobin thinks the same way. If he thinks Yeonjun is a conceited city boy who shouldn't be welcomed here.

Given their past, he probably does.

Here's quite a funny story; Soobin and him? They were best friends. Soulmates. Best buddies. Partners in crime.

They grew up practically joined to the hip. They like the same things, hate the same things - do the same things. Like two peas in a pod, you know. Where Yeonjun is, where the other one is.

It's not farfetched to say that the 15 years of Yeonjun's existence, he spent it everyday with Soobin. They practically did everything together, had their firsts together (excluding the sexual ones, by the way) and their second times, the third times and so on.

He knew his grandparents found it strange, that Yeonjun was such an extroverted kid, feeding off people's attention on him while Soobin was the complete opposite. He was this painfully shy boy from next door with his crinkled shirt and dimpled bashful smile glued on his face. Whereas Yeonjun would preen under anyone's attention, Soobin would shy away, hiding behind his mother or gripping his Yeonjun hyung's hand and hunching his shoulders to try to make himself appear smaller.

It wasn't all that strange in little Yeonjun's mind. In fact, he liked it because he thought they balance each other out. Yeonjun gets Soobin out of his comfort zones and lets him be seen while Soobin holds him down when he needed time for himself, offering his quiet support and quivering shoulders to protect him when Yeonjun _doesn't_ want to be seen.

They were best friends who knew what the other's thinking without them having to say a word, they knew what the other needed. They knew what to do, what to be to each other. It was so easy being best friends with Soobin.

He doesn't remember exactly when they got close. Perhaps when they were three years old when Soobin's mother would leave his son in Siyoung's care since she had to go to the city for work and they just played together like mindless little toddlers do. Maybe it was when Yeonjun was eight years old, finally becoming aware that he and Soobin were always together somehow, finally discovering the meaning of the magical word _best friend._

( _"Hey, you're my best friend now!" Yeonjun scowls at Soobin who was drawing alone in the corner of the classroom, shoulders hunched up and head bowed down as he stares down at Yeonjun's shoes._

_Yeonjun lets out another annoyed huff as he puts the foods he's holding down to swipe a sauce on Soobin's chubby cheeks to make him look at him._

_He grins when Soobin finally does._

_"Did you hear me? I'm your best friend now! You can't say no!"_

_There's suddenly a loud ripping sound at the back that caused both of them to flinch. He heard Kai crying but Soobin only looks wide-eyed at him, big and innocent eyes looking at Yeonjun with such wonder._

_"What's a best friend?" )_

Summers with Soobin were memorable. They spent it together annually like this; unchanged and in a dreamy daze, where they claim the days as their kingdom and their nights as their haven.

Picnics in the fields with rows of colorful flowers, sprawled out lazily on top of a blanket, Yeonjun's head on Soobin's lap, the former reading manga aloud in funny voices because he knew Soobin likes it a lot when he does it.

Idle nights riding old bicycles along the streets, Soobin laughing at Yeonjun's ridiculous but adorable full set of safety gear, Yeonjun almost cycling into disposal bins because he can't seem to go in a straight line.

Sleepover in each other's houses and staying up late than their young, little bodies could bare, having a childish competition on who can last longer awake and Soobin calling him lame when he woke up in the morning, drooling on Soobin's shoulder. Sometimes, they fall asleep snuggled to each other, bingeing cartoon series until sunlight creeps into Yeonjun's room and they had to get up to eat breakfast.

Racing against each other running until they reach the woods, sometimes other kids join them - like Beomgyu and Kai where they'd bump to each other and the three of them will lose to Beomgyu and his ridiculously fast thighs. Soobin losing to air hockey against Kai twice and having to buy all four of them cotton candies. Kai giving Beomgyu a sweet back-hug to cheer him from his attempt to win dolls from the old claw crane machine in Gucheongja, Yeonjun doing the same to Soobin but without the same excuse ( because they were _best friends_ ).

Failed study attempts with Yeonjun distractedly pointing animal pictures in the books they borrowed from the outdated library in Gucheongja, claiming that they resemble Soobin and the latter mumbling complains under his breath and threatening to spill Yeonjun's secret of accidentally breaking his grandmother's favorite vase to make him stop.

A spontaneous walk after a failed attempt to sleep. Nights when Yeonjun would throw pebbles on Soobin's window to wake him up during an ungodly hour to have a company while having a late night walk around the village, sneaking out of their houses quietly to watch the stars.

Seconds, days, weeks, months, years of being best friends. Yeonjun wonders how little by little, the bubble of well treasured friendship he had with Soobin burst and left a gaping hole between them.

Until summers weren't theirs anymore. They were just haze memories to him now. Funny how time works sometimes. All of those moments with Soobin felt like they were just yesterday. In reality though, they're already seven years past it.

He snaps out of his thoughts and looks at Soobin blatantly.

Seven years ago, there was a certain light in his eyes. Though he had always been tall, Soobin never towered - he was skinny and fairer in skin. His smile was always shy but present, the kind that makes you feel warm all over. Now, Soobin was no longer the boy Yeonjun had in his mind.

Soobin's face was hard, blank, and stern-like as though he had no bearing memory of Yeonjun at all. His skin was no longer pale, but deeply sun-kissed by agricultural work. The baby fat and the scrawniness were nonexistent and what sat beside him is a brawny man, arms well-built and toned with hands that were calloused from hard work.

Soobin looks so far from the barely-there image that Yeonjun has of his childhood best friend. He feels and looks different, he might as well just be a stranger.

"Stop staring."

Yeonjun recoiled as if burned, looking away so quick he almost cracked his neck. He clears his throat and looks outside and notices that they're already parked outside a small countryside house.

God, he was so distracted he didn't even noticed the truck already stopped moving. Worst, Soobin knows he's the cause.

"So," he blinks and follows Soobin out of the truck. "Whose house is this?"

Soobin didn't answer him right away that Yeonjun almost thought he ignored him purposely when he realizes that Soobin is trying to count the bags of tomatoes loaded at the back of the truck.

"The Huenings."

Yeonjun furrows his brows as he racks his brain to figure out if he knows someone from this household. When he fails to remember anyone, he just sighed and made his way to Soobin. "How can I help?"

Soobin glances at him before wetting his lips and lifting two bags before facing him with a frown. "Just stay still here."

Yeonjun opens his mouth to retaliate but he's already walking away so Yeonjun just sighed and flopped down at the back of the truck.

He stares at the blooming daffodils at the side of the road, they are showy yellow and its leaves look like grass. He smiles down at it before plucking one out.

Several minutes pass and Soobin has yet to come back so Yeonjun decided to make his sorry ass useful and pick two bags out as he makes his way inside the house. He staggers slightly and he noted to himself that he really shouldn't be slacking on his workouts anymore.

Inside, Yeonjun sees Soobin having a conversation with the man of the manor. He have a deep set of eyes, alluring and wide that Yeonjun guesses, he's not Korean. He's brusque and stern faced but he can see the friendliness radiating from him.

Yeonjun puts the bags down beside the first two in the kitchen. He avoids Soobin's eyes when they zoomed in on him and ignores the glare directed to him as he walked outside again to pick the rest of the bags. There's only two left anyways.

Just when he's about to pick them up, someone pushed him aside. When he looks up to snap at him, Soobin meets his eyes with a hard look.

"I told you to stay still."

Yeonjun clenches his jaw as he looks away. He wants to snap and tell the dude to fuck off but he holds his tongue since he doesn't really want to fight. He doesn't want this to reach his grandma too so he lets the bags go, raising his arms in the air in defeat. He watches Soobin pick the two bags up like they weigh nothing and saunter confidently inside again.

Yeonjun lets out a frustrated grunt, staring up at the dimming sky to cool himself down.

Why did he agree to go back here again? Obviously, nothing good ever comes out when Yeonjun tries to be nice.

There are flies starting to bother him and the longer Yeonjun sits here outside with the mosquitoes feasting on his unblemished skin, the more he thinks that Soobin is doing this intentionally to make him suffer.

He kicks a pebble, annoyed, before pushing himself up and going inside the truck, slamming the door closed even though Soobin isn't there to hear and witness his out burst.

"Fucking asshole," Yeonjun groans and covers his eyes with an arm.

More minutes pass by before the door on the driver's seat opened. Soobin unapologetically settles in, not even throwing Yeonjun a glance as he starts the engine.

It only further ticks Yeonjun off.

He pulls the daffodil out of his shorts pocket and places it in the stereo where cassette tapes should be put. He huffs and looks away. He tries to will his brain to focus instead on the view outside.

The sun is setting, giving a rich orange glow on his surroundings. Sunset is such a beautiful sight for him. It reminds him that the day is ending and he'll have tomorrow.

Yeonjun can still have tomorrow.

He hears, rather than see, Soobin steer the wheels a little too hard before halting the truck too suddenly when a sheep bleated in front of them in the middle of the road. He thinks, he hears Soobin cursed silently.

That's a first.

Soobin takes a sharp intake of breath before leaning his back on the seat in a forceful way as they wait for the sheep to cross.

Yeonjun's face crumples and he doesn't even realize he's speaking already when the words come tumbling out of his mouth. "What the fuck is your problem?"

The annoyance drains out of Soobin's face and then he's giving Yeonjun a blank look that only further makes his blood boil. "Nothing."

He tilts his head and looks at Yeonjun, raising a brow. "Do you have a problem?"

Yeonjun purses his lips. "I didn't want to trouble you, I just wanted to help. Why are you so goddamn annoyed."

"You're making it about you." Soobin muses. He's looking at Yeonjun like he said something funny, like he's mocking him. Yeonjun hates it. "You always make everything about you, hyung. You haven't changed at all."

There's something in Soobin's tone that gives him away despite the blank expression on his face. It's been years and he's already passed everything that happened here in the village but the tone made Yeonjun feel like he has to defend himself and fight back even though he doesn't even know what exactly are they fighting about.

"How is that about me?" His voice raises in pitch and he tries to tone it down. "You made me wait there for minutes - for hours! I just tried to help but you decided to be a jerk and snap at me for seemingly no reason."

"You think I did that on purpose? You think I made you wait?" Soobin narrows his eyes at him.

Yeonjun takes a deep inhale as he directs his gaze intently on the sheep, still unmoving in the middle of the road. The fucker, he has to move before one of them explode, Yeonjun thinks.

"Didn't you?"

"I was getting your grandma's vitamins from Uncle Nabil," Soobin's jaw is slacked. "Unlike someone else, at least, I was trying to do something useful instead of doing nothing but showing off my latest pair of Balenciaga shoes and branded shirt."

Now, that's enough confirmation, isn't it? That Soobin also thinks of him as that city boy who knows nothing but to milk off their momma's money and parade around, being all high and proud. It's not what Soobin said exactly but he might as well spit on Yeonjun that he thinks he's nothing less of the assholes who used to visit this village.

"Stop being a dick." Yeonjun is vaguely aware that he's breathing shallowly, his grip on the window sill tight until his knuckles are white. "I know how much you hate to be around me right now but I'll have you know that I'd rather die than breathe the same air as you."

A tense pause settles between them and from Yeonjun's peripheral vision, he sees Soobin grip the steering wheel tight, breathing deeply and looking away somewhere into the woods. The tension between them is so intense - it's almost tangible enough to break them both. The silence was only broken when the sheep bleated again before finally walking away.

This fucker just had the best timing. Yeonjun internally groans.

Soobin starts to drive again and Yeonjun briefly wonders if Soobin has thought of murdering him and driving him somewhere far and remote, hide and bury his body under the ground after. But that's an entirely different (read: paranoid) thought that Yeonjun blames it on the exhaustion from the journey from the city to Gangwon.

He squeezes his eyes shut as he massages his temples when it begins to hurt.

Time seems inconsistent as it feels much faster to be back in the house than when they drove to the Huenings earlier. In no time, Soobin pulled off in front of their gate. Yeonjun doesn't let himself overthink - or care really on how to bid good night to Soobin, not when they just had a fight a while ago and the dude made it quite clear that he'd like no connection with him ever again, or be in the same space as Yeonjun.

Tough luck because Yeonjun can't find it in himself to care too. He's just tired, so he gets out of the truck without a word. Soobin is following far behind and when they get inside their warm house, Siyoung was cooking something in the kitchen.

She looks at them brightly. She slightly frowns when she saw their faces but quickly masks it as she accepts the thin plastic Soobin handed him.

"Thank you for these, dear."

Soobin smiles at him and shakes his head. "You're welcome, grandma."

Yeonjun almost scoffed at the smile plastered on his face. It's almost as if their argument in the truck was nonexistent with how placid Soobin's face is.

He does not pay attention anymore as he goes to the dining room and sits on his designated chair since he was a child (he freezes when he remembers all the time Soobin used to have a meal with them, eating and laughing quietly beside him on the dining table, Yeonjun shakes the image out of his head).

He freezes again, though, when his grandma calls after Soobin who's already preparing to leave. "Come, have dinner with us, Soobin."

Yeonjun definitely did not subtly check to see Soobin's reaction. It made him wonder if Soobin remembers their childhood days too when the said man paused at the doorway before shaking his head after a minute full of tense consideration.

"It's alright. I'm going out with the boys this evening, but thank you for the offer." He gave Siyoung a genuine smile (that much, he could tell) but it still feels different.

Something about Soobin today seems different and maybe, Yeonjun will never be able to figure him out anymore. Soobin wants him gone out of his hair.

Yeonjun lets out a long exhale when Soobin is finally out of the vicinity. Siyoung gives him a questioning look but he shrugs her off playfully.

"How was it? Gangwon had changes over the past few years." She starts.

"I missed it here." Yeonjun swallows the lump in his throat for lying out right on her face. He tries not to wince.

"You do?" Siyoung raises a brow.

He clears his throat and points at the thin plastic beside her plate. "What are the vitamins for, grandma?"

His grandmother shows him his room after dinner. Yeonjun was finally able to smile again when he saw the arrangements inside. Nothing has changed.

The posters of his favorite bands when he was a kid were still plastered all over the wall, hiding the nasty orange color of it - not sparing a space for breath. Figurines are standing intact on top of the high wooden table pushed beside his single bed with spiderman themed comforter and pillow dresses. His study table is still in front of the wide window where breeze freely comes in and out, swaying with the trees in their front yard. His lamp with cracked switch unmoving on top of the books he failed to return to the Library in Gucheongja before he left when he was fifteen. His favorite comic book placed in the middle of his desk.

The fan just in front of his bed still skewed and barely holding its own weight. Framed pictures of youth on top of the drawer just in front of his bed, some of them with his grandparents, some were with someone he just had a heated argument with earlier. His closet is still filled to the brim with his clothes he used to wear under the sun seven summers back, now sizes too small for him.

He remembers his Rubik's Cube beside the frames, untouched - never really able to learn how to do it. ( _"Soobin, you should learn how to this shit."_

_"Did you just cuss?"_

_"Oh, yeah. My cousin from the city uses that word. It sounds cool, so I decided I'm gonna start using it from now on."_

_"But that's a bad word."_

_"Who cares? People say shit all the time."_

_"It sounds wrong coming from you, hyung." Soobin groans, seriously considering smacking the older with the notebook he's holding._

_"Anyways!" Yeonjun crosses his arms and throws the Rubik's Cube to Soobin, he's been toying with it for hours now without successful attempts of learning how to actually do it. "Do this shit and I'll consider sleeping with you tonight."_

_"Hyung," Soobin sighs and looks at him exasperatedly. "You're already in my room, dressed in your pajamas. You literally begged me to sleep with you."_

_"Can you just start doing that shit and shut up?" Yeonjun tries to sound mean but it just turns into a whine as his lips pulled into a pout._

_"You're such a baby." )_

Everything in this four-cornered room brings back memories, even the little, insignificant details that Yeonjun would rather not think about at the moment. He doesn't want to feel nostalgic for something he doesn't want to miss anymore.

"Your granddad and I tried not to touch this room for years, we didn't want to change anything from how you left it years ago..."

Yeonjun knows the unspoken words. He knows what her grandma wants to say.

 _Because we were hoping you'd come back here and spend time with us again._ But Yeonjun never did because the city was more exciting.

It's moments like this that Yeonjun really does think of himself as a bad grandson, the worst.

"You have your own bathroom," Siyoung points to the door beside a full-body length mirror. "I tried to make it as comfortable as I could - "

Yeonjun didn't let her finish before he presses close to her and hugs her tight, hiding the way his eyes teared and lips quivered. "Everything's just perfect. I love it. Thank you, grandma."

Yeonjun just feels so bad. It hasn't been long since his grandfather's death. A wound is slowly opening, stinging pain bringing a strong urge to curl and cry. Where has he been these past few years? How did he just neglect them like this? He really shouldn't have left.

Siyoung's warm hand combs through his hair and Yeonjun sags, sighing as he realizes just how much he missed his grandma's touch, her loving caresses and the warmth that washes on him when she indulges him like this. Like when he was ten and he didn't know just how much limited time he could have for this.

"You should rest." She pulls away and brushes her thumb under Yeonjun's eyes. "Good night, Junnie."

Yeonjun gives her a sleepy smile, "Good night, grandma."

Siyoung leaves him alone in his room after, finally letting him rest. He thinks he would've freak out now that he's alone for everything that happened today but with how drained he is already, he just flopped himself on his bed after washing up, burying himself to the smell of childhood - stuck between reality and the periphery of muddled dreams when summer was all theirs to take.

-

There could not be a better night to catch some peaceful sleep except that behind his lids, a scene plays on a loop.

It's a nightmare.

-

Yeonjun was fifteen and ambitious. He has always been so vocal about his dream of getting out of this village and exploring the wonders of city - of Seoul someday, the place his cousin would ramble about all day - telling him all about the huge metropolis, about the modern skyscrapers, high-tech subways and pop culture meet Buddhist temples, palaces and street markets. Seoul sounded like a paradise to him, has always felt like a dream out of his reach.

Every time his cousin would visit him and his grandparents in Gangwon, expensive gadgets in his hands and branded clothes wrapped around his frame - Yeonjun would get this dazed look on his face as he feels desire tug in his guts. The city sounds so cool, the people there even more so. He wants to walk around wearing designer clothes like his cousin, he wants the box of device in his hand, he wants to have cool friends who he can hang out with after school, maybe go to high end malls, post a OOTD pic on Instagram.

Yeonjun wanted it all. He wanted the easy and way cooler life than this small village could ever offer.

He was just a 3-month-old baby when his grandparents brought him with them in Gangwon because neither of his executive manager father and surgeon mother could take care of baby Yeonjun. For some reasons, they never tried to get him back anymore, that was something little Yeonjun has always thought. So, he grew up with his grandparents and had never knew what life was like outside a lame village. Seoul was his dream - his goal. Gangwon was a bland challenge to test his resiliency and patience. He'd get out of here, Yeonjun promised himself.

"Come to the city with me, Soobin."

That was how Yeonjun had first ask Soobin to come with him to Seoul.

It was thousand degrees outside (an exaggeration but it does feel like it, they might as well just set him on fire and it wouldn't feel much different), they were sprawled on the floor of Yeonjun's bedroom. They were damping the floor with their sweat - Yeonjun's skewed, barely-hanging fan making annoying sound with its every (slow ass) rotation.

They had papers scattered around them, in a disorganized mess of tangled limbs and spiked locks of hair. They had both given up trying to learn English - as per Yeonjun's grandma's insistence so they wouldn't have to waste their summer doing nothing.

Soobin, who was twirling a pencil between his fingers, paused and gave a contemplative hum. "Why?"

"What do you mean why?"

Soobin sat up from his laying position on Yeonjun's stomach, resting his massive hands on the older's chest for support as he peered on him. "Why the city?"

"You're asking why? I .. I," Yeonjun licked his lips, blinking rapidly as hundred reasons and nothing at all simultaneously came up in his mind. In the end, he squeaked a high pitched, "Because it'll be cool?"

Soobin rolled his eyes and flopped down again, intentionally bumping his head on his stomach a little harder. "No."

Yeonjun pouted and dropped the subject, telling himself that he'd convince Soobin to come with him one way or another. There's no way he'd leave his best friend behind.

The next time came when they were trying to hang the hammock on Yeonjun's front yard.

Siyoung was at her garden, tending her plants and her herd of sheep. His grandfather was - well, he didn't know. He was away that time to do some stuffs, Yeonjun never really asked what his grandparents do every hour of everyday.

But Soobin, that day, he was complaining about Beomgyu getting higher scores than him in their History class because he was ridiculously competitive like that (Yeonjun was, in every way, more competitive usually - just not in academics, he likes to think that Soobin, for some reasons, adapted his love for challenges because there were lots of instances wherein he was way more competitive than Yeonjun was, even in the smallest thing).

"Hyung, I said put it higher."

Yeonjun blinked, shaking his head out of his thoughts. He was holding the other end of the hammock, he was on his tip toes trying to reach a branch to obey Soobin. When he wasn't able to reach it, he huffed and gritted, "Isn't this too high?"

Soobin peeked at him behind the branch of the other tree where he was tying the other end. "No, it's not."

"Soobin, it's too high!" He whined.

His best friend just laughed at his misery and after getting his job done on his side of the tree, he walked over to his hyung pushed him away playfully. "You're useless, this is why grandma Siyoung trusts me more with these kind of things than you."

"Shut up, walking lampost," grumbled Yeonjun.

Over the 15 years they've spent together, Soobin has grown impressively taller than him even though he was the older one between them two _(for only a year, hyung) (i am still older, learn to respect your hyung, kid.)_

Yeonjun didn't mind though, it gave him unreasonable excuses for him to slack off the tasks and chores given to him, passing the ones challenging his height to Soobin. Plus, they still had a lifetime to go, in a few more years, Yeonjun would get taller than Soobin he'd have no choice but to break his neck to look up at his _Yeonjun hyung._ (Spoiler: that'd never happen.)

In the end, Soobin was right. The hammock hanged perfectly high enough for it not to touch the ground when you sit on it.

Yeonjun ignored a voice inside his head that claimed, _Soobin is always right,_ that sounds suspiciously a lot like his grandma's.

Yeonjun sighed and Soobin raised a brow at him as he lied down on the fabric, gesturing at him to join him.

The older didn't budge and just looked at Soobin wistfully.

"What is it, hyung?" Soobin blinked at him slowly.

"Go to the city with me," Yeonjun breathed out.

He bit his lips until it turned white as Soobin answered with silence.

After a long pause, Soobin gave him a pointed look before covering his eyes with an arm to take a nap.

"No."

Yeonjun had never failed to express his strong want to go to the city to his best friend. He'd practically gush about it as their Middle School graduation drew nearer.

He'd tell it to him offhandedly when they were studying, he'd tell Soobin all his plans to High School while they were plucking flowers in the Canola field, he'd talk Soobin's ears off with the stories he heard from his cousin about the city, about the bright lights, the traffic noise and the tall buildings. He knew Soobin was tired of it, knew that he was fed up with Yeonjun's dreamy sigh and excited giggles when he tells him everything about a place miles away from them but held the older in fragile wish.

But Soobin would always answer with silence, sometimes a forced smile. When he thinks, Yeonjun wasn't looking, that smile falls and his shoulder would sag.

One day, during one of their late night walks, Yeonjun asked him about why he seemed so against the idea of going to Seoul, why he'd always say no.

"Just because." Soobin had shrug, kicking a pebble mindlessly. His head was hang low, instead of the way it was usually tilt up to look at the starlit sky (that was Yeonjun's favorite sight - the universe seemingly reflected in his best friend's eyes).

Yeonjun frowned. "You have a reason you don't want to share with me. I'm your best friend!"

Soobin looked at him with a frown, "I don't think you'll get it, hyung."

"Try me!" Yeonjun's brows were set in a tight furrow, his eyes challenging as he stopped walking to stare at Soobin's back, who continued on his way.

"Yah, Choi Soobin!"

Soobin halted, his arms slowly hugging his body tight - Yeonjun didn't know if it was to protect himself from the cold or from the brunt of his words.

"Hyung, I'm tired. Can't we just talk about this some other day?"

Yeonjun shook his head stubbornly before marching to Soobin with determined steps.

"What do you want to be when you get older, Soobin?"

The younger blinked at him, tilting his head sideways, the way he always does when he's confused. "What?"

"What do you want to be?"

"I.." Soobin gaped at him, arms untangling until they just hang uselessly on his side. "I don't know."

"That can't be!" Yeonjun frustratedly gazed at him. "You may not have yet figured it out but you won't achieve it here, Soobin. It's impossible. There's no higher degree of education here other than Middle School. You can't achieve anything if you'll stay here. You should come with me in Seoul. It's.. It'll be wonderful there. We'd still be together while we stumble on our way to our dreams - to who we want to be. We can do it there, Soobin. You just have to.. you just.."

_Come with me._

But Yeonjun trailed off as he watch Soobin's eyes harden, his hands were balled in a fist and he looked shaken as he pushes Yeonjun away by his chest.

"Then go there if you want! Leave this small, pathetic town you literally grown from! Go to that exciting city you so wanted to see! Don't force me to come with you because I don't want to and I never will!"

Yeonjun's lips parted, gaping at his best friend who was red and shaking in front of him.

He blinked several times as he processed Soobin's words. "What?"

Soobin inhaled sharply, his arms going up again to wrap themselves on his shivering body - it painstakingly looked like he was trying to protect himself from something. (It's not from the cold.)

Yeonjun was baffled to think that Soobin might have been protecting himself from him - from his best friend.

"I need to get home." Soobin visibly swallowed, walking past Yeonjun as he mumbled a shaky, "Good night, hyung."

Yeonjun stood there alone for minutes - in the middle of the road surrounded by acres of fields. The grass beneath his slippers was itchy and irritating his skin on his ankles. The stars shone above him and the moon seemed to empathize with him as he slowly felt anger rising inside him - making him feel all heated and sick, like he just took a poison.

He had never felt the need to run away from here more than he had felt in that moment.

(They ignored each other for weeks, ignored the confused glances other kids sent on their direction, ignored their families' scrutinizing looks over dinner, ignored the ugly misery from not talking each other for weeks - ignored the bitter taste in their mouths when they avoid eye contact with each other. Yeonjun cried every night because of it, a secret that no one needed to know.)

During the days Yeonjun and Soobin weren't talking to each other _at al_ l, Yeonjun's parents had gone down from the city to Gangwon to finally visit their son.

_("They were almost strangers to me, grandma. I don't know them."_

_Siyoung pulls him in a hug, "They're your parents, Junnie. There's no one in the world who loves you more than they do."_

_Yeonjun had bitterly laughed, sighing when his grandma squeezed his hands. "Debatable."_

_What he really wanted to say was 'no shit that is true' but he's not gonna cuss in front of her like that.)_

They brought a news along them that should've caused him immense joy - would've brought him to the moon with the height of his happiness. But all he felt was hollowness as he listened to his mother's voice behind the stairs to tell his grandparents that Yeonjun.. he's -

"Going to the city, we'll bring him with us when we go back. It's time for him to stay with us and enroll in a proper school of his choice."

His grandma's voice sounded so sad that it struck Yeonjun's chest when he heard her ever sweet voice tremble lightly. "When are you leaving?"

"After his graduation," the man they claimed to be his dad said.

And that was on three days. Yeonjun sniffed and ran outside that house to hide.

He didn't understand. This was all he wanted, to go to the city and finally see its wonder on his own two eyes. Why was he so sad?

On his Middle School graduation held in the town's activity center (that one quartet of this village that wasn't covered with soil and was actually a real, hard cemented ground for once) where an elevated stage was decorated with balloons and cartolinas with written _Graduating Batch XX_ lamely on the middle - the podium barely pleasing to the eyes and the rows of plastic chairs in front could only be counted with two hands - he finally found the courage to face his best friend again.

_I'm going to bring him with me no matter what._

He was determined to leave this shithole with Soobin. He wasn't going to leave him behind.

(They have this unspoken promise of _wherever you go, I follow_ it's unspoken because it's sappy as shit ["Hyung, seriously, what's with you and your obsession with _shit_?"] and Yeonjun have no intention of breaking that, not anytime soon, he can't imagine doing something without his best friend by his side - he just doesn't think he'll survive.)

After the boring program and his mother was finally satisfied with all the shots he took of Yeonjun, he was finally free to look for a certain brunette with dimpled cheeks and shy smile. He still got five hours before they had to leave.

Yeonjun found Soobin on the playground, sitting quietly on the swing. He frowned when he heard him let out a dejected sigh.

"You look like shit."

Soobin looked up to him, startled. He looked like he was ready to bolt when he recognized him but Yeonjun just gave him an unimpressed look.

"Ever the nice words, hyung. Why, thank you." Soobin responded, sarcastically.

Yeonjun stood in front of Soobin (for once, the younger was finally the one looking up), rubbing his nape embarrassedly. "I'm sorry."

He had never been able to resist Soobin - or stay away from him for longer than 8 hours (eight hours because they have to sleep), this was the longer they had gone without talking to each other. Yeonjun couldn't go on for much longer.

Plus, he's leaving.

Hopefully, with Soobin.

"Hyung," Soobin softly calls out. "I should be the one who's sorry."

Yeonjun smiled at him, "You can make it up to me."

Soobin blinked several times before gaping up at him, "By what?"

"Come with me."

A frown formed on his face, "Hyung, this again? I thought we already established that - "

"Soobin, I'm leaving."

"- I don't want to talk about this now because I... wait, what?"

Soobin's eyes widened and he suddenly stood up, his lanky figure now slightly towering Yeonjun.

The older clears his throat, "I'm leaving." He scanned Soobin's face before adding, "To city. In like - uhm, five hours."

Soobin suddenly looked like he just stepped foot on a pile of shit (yikes), his brows scrunching together, hands balling into tight fists on his side again and his eyes looked glassy when he spoke. "You're leaving me?"

Yeonjun quickly shook his head, even shaking his hands as he scrambled to say, "No! No, I never want to leave you. Please, Soobin, I.. I just - "

He sucked a breath in, "I want you to come with me."

Yeonjun had two seconds of relief before he was flooded with worry and fear when he realized the emotions brewing in Soobin's eyes.

The younger was hunching his shoulders again, arms wounding around his torso, he looked so close to crying that Yeonjun wanted to pull him in a tight hug. "You're leaving me." He said with finality.

Yeonjun tried to argue, "Not if you come with me - "

"No," Soobin shakily took a step back. "I'm not.. I'm not gonna come with you. I.. Hyung, I.."

Yeonjun stiffened at the words, the anger from the night they first fought about this rising again and it was making his chest all heated - not the usual warmth he feels when his best friend smiles - but the kind that burns. It stung his eyes and he was gritting his teeth as he yelled at Soobin, "Why not?! Why are you confining yourself in this shithole?! You can have a bright future in the city if you'd just hear me out! Stop being a coward for once, Soobin!"

Yeonjun wasn't mad to Soobin. He was just frustrated because he couldn't understand where Soobin was coming from. He didn't get why Soobin was so adamant on staying here even though it was clear that they have no future here. He was mad because he was scared. Yeonjun was very scared of leaving him here too.

He really, really didn't know what he'd do without his best friend. The city was exciting but he didn't think he could go there alone, without Soobin.

But the said boy was already shaking like a leaf in front of him. Yeonjun couldn't tell if it's from the urge to cry or from anger as he finally lashed out on Yeonjun - the final straw, really. Because their fight had strained him thin and there was really nothing Yeonjun could do to change his mind.

"I am a coward, alright!" Soobin glared at him. "Just leave your coward best friend behind. Because that's what you're good at! Maybe, you got it from your parents, after all they left you in here, the place you call a shithole to abandon you!"

Yeonjun's patience snapped upon hearing those words from Soobin. They stung him and he actually felt like there were knives stabbing him on the chest, it made his eyes sting but he fought the urge to cry, not backing down from Soobin's intense stare.

Yeonjun's voice was soft but with the way his eyes were blazing, he was almost yelling. "Yes. I'm going to leave this shithole because that's what I'm good at. Unlike you who don't seem to have any ambitions and content enough to be a farmer one day with no future in sight. I pity you and your pathetic excuse of failures."

He left that day without looking at Soobin's face, his stride long and fast as he refused to look back at the boy he left alone in the playground. His chest heaving and mind in a jumbled mess. He wasn't sure if he was crying because as if the sky was adapting to his mood, it started raining.

Yeonjun thought it was just fitting, how grim everything was the day he left the small town he grew up in, with sunny smiles and starlit eyes.

He never once looked back, afraid to see what - who he left behind.

Summer had gone, the rain coming down on him with a heavy downpour - pitter patter against the windowsill of the car.

**Author's Note:**

> i promise to update weekly, if i somehow fail then scream at me in my [twt](https://twitter.com/hueniverses)
> 
> also, every kudos and comments are appreciated ^^


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